Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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