He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
