my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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