I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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