I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
