If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
