yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
