Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
