I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
