Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
