but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All the doctor said was why
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
