I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
