when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
