I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We just shotgunned beers for America
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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