Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
