remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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