Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
