just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
