I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
