You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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