i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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