im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
