fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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