i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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