I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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