Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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