When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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