dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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