idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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