goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
