even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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