New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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