I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
