Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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