What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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