Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All the doctor said was why
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
