What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
