Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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