you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
