too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
