he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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