Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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