Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
