He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
