dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
