I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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