hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
