her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
