youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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