then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
