I'm jealous of your bromance
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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